For my first movie review, I had a bit of trouble deciding what to review... There are so many good movies out there that I enjoy watching like Scarface, First Blood, No Country for Old Men, etc. How about reviewing a movie that I absolutely HATE! And by “HATE” I do in fact mean LOATH, and by “LOATH” I do mean DESPISE!!!!!!! Enter the caped crusader and the movie that started his plunge into obscurity....... Batman Forever.
*Abandon All Hope Yee Who Enter Here.
I believe the true downfall of this movie can really be summarized with two words.... JOEL SCHUMACHER. In some cases all you have to do to kill a movie is credit it with his name as the director and voila, movie killed. I think he tried doing something different with batman, and in which case I use the word “TRIED” very.....very loosely, and ultimately failed in the process. I can see Schumacher gearing this movie towards kids, but with the other two previous movies directed by Tim Burton the audience and the true Batman fans were expecting a little bit darker and realistic........ Well, as realistic as a man flying around in a bat costume fighting crime and stopping super villains can be.
[Truly Schumacher has reverted the Dark Knight back to his goofy 1960’s self.......LORD HELP US ALLLLLLLLLLLLL! NOTE: Although funny, the mere appearance of Adam West in this movie would be a major upgrade.]
LET’S GET STARTED:
Our Story starts off with the return of the Batman, a creature of the night, a sworn protector of Gotham City, fighting for justice while striking fear in the hearts of criminals everywhere! (PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT)................... (KEEP PAUSING)................
ALFRED: Shall I make you a sandwich before you go sir?
BATMAN: Don’t worry, I’ll pick up something on the way home.
......................What............Just........................Happened? Literally Batman’s first line in the movie is a pretty lame joke about food. This is definitely where the major problem with this movie lays, the mere fact that we went from the gritty and dark story of Batman fighting The Joker and The Penguin, to him engaging in witty banter with the butler! I’m sorry for going on a micro tangent but let this first line in the movie be a measuring stick for the rest of the movie.
[Worst Comic Book adaptation joke about food EVERRRRRRRR]
LET’S GET STARTED.............. AGAIN
So, where was I? Oh yeah..... So after that horrendous line being spewed from the mouth of Batman, we see him answering a call, that the criminal mastermind Two-Face, played by Tommy Lee Jones.........yes, THAT Tommy Lee Jones, is involved in a hostage situation in which Batman goes to save the day! This leads to an “Okay” action sequence in which Batman frees the hostages, but not without Tommy Lee Two-Face escaping. We then get a mediocre back story of Two-Face and see that he was scared by an acid spilling on his face in which mild mannered district attorney Harvey Dent was transformed INTO SPIDER-MAN! DEFENDER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND JUST! TWO-FACE! THE SAVAGE KILLER WITH NO MORALS!
[We get this dumb villain with little to no build..... Off to a good start?]
Back at Wayne Enterprises we get introduced to another over the top super villain Edward Nigma/The Riddler played by a competent actor able to give the role justice Jim Carrey. To be quite honest, it feels like Carrey is playing a more annoying version of The Mask as opposed to The Riddler. We see him working diligently in the inventions branch of the company, in which he creates a machine which can put a person in an immersed within the realm of television. This sounds like a really cool concept but it has one major drawback........... IT SUCKS OUT YOUR BRAIN! Yeah, now it doesn’t seem like a really good idea.
[It definitely could be worse.......WAY WORSE!]
So, long story short Bruce Wayne fires Edward from Wayne Enterprises. This causes Edward to kill his manager and steal all of his technology and vowing revenge to get back at batman for crushing his dreams. While that's going on Bruce gets invited to see the world renowned traveling circus where we get our first glance at Dick Grayson. Batman’s sidekick story arch is now approaching............ If this movie wasn’t in a nose plunge, it is now. I do have to be honest; they did nail the Robin origin, but let me go further into the dark abyss and explain how this character came off as.
[We Went From The Boy Wonder...]
[To this guy....... he's definitely not a boy]
The main problem with the Robin Character is Chris O’Donnell. Never heard of him? Yeah, there’s a reason for that. He comes off as whiny and arrogant, and I know that I should feel sorry for him, his family dying at the hands of Two-Faces purely convoluted plan and all, but all I really want to do is give him a BAT-BACKHAND. He Jacks Batman’s car and attempts to fight crime, poorly by the way, which results in Batman making him his partner... Go Figure. Now, while all this is going on The Riddler and Two-Face team up to take over Gotham city in a pretty farfetched scheme which involves the entire population of the city purchasing Edward’s T.V. invention, thus feeding their brainwaves to him.
[Well Played Riddler...... Well Played.]
So now with storyline #234... The haunting flashbacks that Bruce gets of his past, WHICH BY THE WAY WAS SOLVED IN THE PREVIOUS TWO FILMS! Constantly Bruce is haunted by the ghosts of his past in flashbacks, which is only solved by the help of Bruce's new love interest Nicole Kidman, who I swear has only one purpose in the movie which culminates in her getting captured and used as bait for Batman.
Whatever...... moving on, we see The Riddler and Two-Face devise a plan to lure both Robin and Batman into an abandoned cave. I don’t know, by this point I’ve given up hope on the motivation of Two-Face, he basically has become a lackey to The Riddler but I digress... So with The Riddler out seeking revenge and Two-Face bumbling around like a complete waste of a character, the battle is on! Robin avenges his parents death by taking care of Two-Face (A Total Waste of A Perfectly Good Tommy Lee Jones BY THE WAY). Robin then gets captured by The Riddler and used as bait with Nicole Kidman, which colminates into Batman having to decide who to save. Batman chooses the most logical option of just throwing a baterang at The Riddler's brain machine resulting in Batman having ample time saving both of them. The caped crusader prevailes and all order is restored to Gotham City........ excluding Joel Schumacher being fired from the director’s chair.
[Definitely should have been the villain in the following movie, sadly this villain seems more interesting than Jim Carrey as the Riddler.]
HONEST THOUGHTS:
The story seemed rushed in the sense that everything could, and should, be better. It’s not a good follow up to the last two movies and the casting of Val Kilmer as Batman leaves me absolutely baffled. There are like 200 different mini story lines going on and it FOREVER tarnished the reputation of the once great legacy of Batman. But hey, IT COULD BE WORSE...
[Not Going There.]
FIN.
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